Day Eight and Surgery Stuff

Weight: 214.1 lb


Well, I dropped over 5 lb, which is pretty cool!  Diet went really, really well last week until Friday, when I abandoned all pretenses at the hospital and shared a Galaxy bar my fantastic friend J had imported from the UK.  I think we all deserved it, given the situation.  And I'm back on track now.


Owen's surgery went very well, although his left eye isn't nearly as open as his right and this is causing both me and his surgeon a bit of concern.  If it's just some extra swelling squeezing it shut then given enough time, it will look the same as the right.  However, if the stitches have come open or Owen has rubbed his eye somehow, then he'll have to go back to the hospital for an adjustment.  Other than that though, things have been going well.  We have to apply an ointment to the corneas and incisions four times a day to help things heal and stop his eyes drying out, which is utterly exhausting and Owen absolutely loathes it.  In addition, as he also had tubes put in his ears to relieve the excess fluid build-up that was preventing his eardrums from vibrating properly, we have to put drops in his ear canals twice daily.  He doesn't like that much either.  AND we have to give him antibiotics by mouth (read: tube) four times a day AND cover his eyes in these strange metal shields at night to help keep things moist.  He likes none of these activities and I'm so pleased the surgeon said we can start cutting back on everything from today.


You know, I'm really really tired.  I feel as though I can never sleep enough, although I get around seven hours a night usually, and catch up on naps at the weekend.  I think the burden of caring for Owen is just wearing me down, although I don't resent doing it.  I just wish I were able to trust someone, anyone else to do it for a few days to give me a rest.  I want a week off.  It occurred to me today (sitting on the loo, of course), that I haven't had a real day off since before Owen was born.  Such is the life of a mother who stays at home, I guess.  Mike gets days off from work but even when that happens, I'm still working.  It may be my fault, but I can't even relinquish control to him when he is home, because he often forgets the most basic of Owen's needs.  Take Owen's nighttime routine, for example: every night we have the same routine of medications, changing into pyjamas and a bedtime feed.  Every other night we bathe Owen as well.  With all the extra gumph post-surgery, this routine is currently taking us a good 45 minutes, which we start at 9.00pm in order to start his bedtime feed at 10.00pm.  SO... I always have one eye on the clock, making sure we get things started on time, and when 9pm rolls around I turn to Mike and tell him it's time.  His usual response?  "What needs doing?"


"What ALWAYS needs doing, Mike?"


Sigh.  Then he'll act surprised at my tone and ask what he should start doing.  Oh, I don't know!  How about you just START doing SOMETHING?  I feel I need to double-check everything he's up to, just to make sure he doesn't miss a dose of a medication, puts a new gauze around Owen's mic-key button, or even just gets the right volume of formula ready.  If I don't, something always goes amiss and I'm really tired of being the safety net.


Don't get me wrong: Mike is a fantastic father and I do think that if I left him and Owen alone for a weekend that Owen would eventually get everything he needs, but to me that's not good enough.  I need a partner who is on the same wavelength and is already thinking about what step comes next before I have to turn to him at 9pm and tell him so.  I need a 24-hour father, just like I'm a 24-hour mother.


Tina.

Surgery

Tomorrow is Owen's surgery date.  Not a lot to add to that, other than to please keep him in your thoughts and wish him a speedy recovery afterwards.  He's a trooper, is our little lad.


I'll add more post-surgery, but as I've been telling my family and friends: no news is good news.


Tina.

Day Two

Not too bad today, although I had to eat sushi for the first time ever and thought it was absolutely revolting.  Who on earth thinks something that cold and slimy is delicious?  Eugh.  I have to eat it again on Thursday but I reckon a substitution might be in order.


Ick.


I also had to eat a peanut butter and jam sandwich (not nearly as exciting or fatty as you'd imagine), and while the thought of peanut butter on its own is enough to make me retch, eating it on soft wholemeal bread with some blackberry jam wasn't too bad.  One demon conquered, anyway.


Don't know what my weight is today because I'm only weighing myself once a week, but my walk with Owen was much nicer than yesterday because it wasn't as cold.  He didn't fall asleep though, which was a shame.


I have lots of other thoughts going around my head but this isn't the time to write them down.  Soon.  Soon.


Tina.

Day One

I have debated and debated over whether or not to put my real weight on here for all and sundry to read and gasp at.  I have come to the conclusion that, unless I face the truth and my eating demons, I will continue to be overweight, unhealthy and a bad influence on my son as he grows up.  Therefore, here is the first of hopefully many entries about how the new lifestyle is going.

Weight: 219.4 lb 

I CANNOT believe that figure and I am absolutely horrified.  Admittedly my clothes don't fit me very well any more, and I don't do any exercise at all, but STILL.  That is completely and utterly disgusting.  I was 194 lb when I had my first weigh-in at the doctors when I initially got pregnant in September 2008, so that is my first major milestone.  Before that though, I have a few minor milestones to reach, starting with the first five pounds.  I would like to eventually be 150 lb, but I'm planning on taking this slowly and changing my eating habits for good, so that particular goal may take some time.  And that's okay.

The new eating plan is more time-consuming than I anticipated, but I'm going from heating up chilli and topping it with cheese in the microwave, so let's face it: anything else will of course be time consuming.  I like the hummus and hard-boiled eggs combo though, even if it required over an hour's preparation time.  Yum.

I also got out for a walk today with Owen today.  That was fun and put him to sleep, so double win.

I promise not to get too dull and weight-focused, but I do need to write these things down so I'm accountable for myself, my eating and my exercise habits.  If you think it's boring, move on!  This blog is a way for me to write down things for ME, so that is what I intend to do.

I'm looking forward to being healthier and having more energy for Owen.  :)

Tina.

Twenty things to be thankful for

1. Owen is alive.
2. Spring has finally arrived and I don't have to wear umpteen layers to leave the house anymore.
3. Now the weather's warmer I am able to take Owen out for walks again.
4. Our kitchen is nearly finished.
5. There are many, many people out there in the world who love me and my son, and think about us every single day.
6. One of those people is my mother-in-law, who sent us about one hundred home-baked cookies the other day, just because she thought we'd like them.
7. Owen has begun some pre-crawling movements, which gives me hope.
8. I am able to make a small living doing something I absolutely love, while staying at home with my son.
9. I am starting my new diet on Monday and the food sounds both delicious and cheaper than our normal processed stuff.
10. Owen's surgery is on Friday... finally.
11. I have several fantastic friends who have already booked themselves in to come to Owen's first birthday party in May, as well as Mike's entire family.
12. One of these fantastic friends is accompanying me to Owen's surgery so I don't go to pieces.
13. Two other fantastic friends are preparing some dishes for me and Mike so we don't have to cook when Owen comes home from the hospital.
14. I am learning something new everyday, and putting most of it to good use.
15. Owen will qualify for Katie Beckett Medicaid, which will eliminate most, if not all, of our remaining medical expenses for him this year.
16. A remarkable family donated nine cans of Owen's expensive formula to us, which is about half a month's supply.
17. I have some new music to jive along to.
18. I have a wonderful, supportive husband who works incredibly hard.
19. My PPD now only rears its ugly head every so often, and I know what it is now so I'm better at dealing with it.
20. My son is both beautiful and hilarious and I love him more than he'll ever fully realise.

Radical Parenting

Watched a very, very cool documentary on Discovery Health last night called Radical Parenting.  Check out The Feminist Breeder's blog (see sticker on the right) for more info.


Can't write much more right now as Owen has the stinkiest nappy you've every smelt, but I'll try and update more about why this show was so cool later.


Tina.

Some days you just have to throw in the towel

Today did NOT start off well, I'll be honest with you.


First off, Mike's car is on the blink and he's not the most organised of people so it's still at the mechanics, a mere three days after he took it in.  I wouldn't mind so much if they were actually working on the thing, but seeing as they can't identify the problem yet and Mike hasn't given them permission to do any unauthorised work, it's been there since Friday in the same blinkin' state it started in.  Sigh.  So today he has my car, which means I can't leave the house.  I got all excited for about ten minutes planning a walk with Owen, but then I remembered the buggy's in the boot and Mike won't have thought to take it out before he left at 5.30am.  Double sigh.


The next thing to go wrong was Owen waking up at 6am.  This isn't SO bad, but seeing as I don't usually feed him until 7am, it was kind of irritating to have to go in to his room and shush him, then not be able to go back to sleep for the extra hour because my body assumed getting out of bed meant getting out of bed.


Well, Owen's feed was, as usual, a spectacular fountain of puke.  We are down to the barest essentials now with his clothes as he's growing at an alarming rate (he's nine months old and yesterday we noticed he'd grown out of his 12-month babygrows.  Awesome), and all the burp cloths are filthy from the weekend.  I know it's not much, but not having anything clean and/or fitting for him just really, really gets to me.  I mean, if he HAS to throw up constantly, the very least I can do for him as a parent is keep him clean and wearing clothes.  I dunno... it just seemed relentless this morning.


So, after all this nonsense, I settled down on the laptop to load the internet... and the thing doesn't work.  Argh.  After FOUR attempts to get to my desktop in an hour it finally calmed down... and the internet doesn't work!  Apparently there's an issue with my wireless card and I'm so far past caring about the waste of my life I just invested in it that I can't even bring myself to discuss it.  Needless to say, the laptop is now lying abandoned on the floor and I'm on the big Mac.  Mac = much better.  I think my next machine will be a Notebook Air, or whatever they're called.  They just never seem to fail!


Well... after FINALLY getting online here, I check my e-mails and what do I find?  An innocent e-mail from my publishers.  After waiting a whole week, sleeping badly and chewing my nails down to the quick... they are not picking up my proposal.


BASTARDS!!


I sulked for a good hour after reading that, then sent them a cursory e-mail thanking them for their time and informing them I'll be finding another publisher.  It WILL get published, mark my words.


Anyway, after all this mayhem and foolishness this morning, I decided to treat myself to some new music on iTunes.  I finally found that bitchin' song I love from Abby and Luka's wedding on Season 13 of ER and have been jamming away to it ever since.  Because sometimes when things go wrong, you just have to throw in the towel and jam out to this:


"Can't Stop" by Ozomatli


Tina.