Clingy... like cling film...

No idea where this has come from, but Little O has officially decided he's a Mama's Boy.  Well... yes, actually I do know where it's come from because I spend almost 24 hours a day with the chap, but this latest desire to be-with-you-Mama-all-the-time-where-are-you-going-don't-leave-me-waaaaaaaaaaaaah! is somewhat unexpected nonetheless.

Little O has never shown any signs of being clingy towards either me or Mike until recently.  I have always attributed this good fortune to several factors: a) he was in the NICU for three and a half weeks, so apart from the 10-12 hours a day I was up there by his bedside, he had to get used to not being around his parents pretty quickly; b) he spends a lot of time with therapists, doctors, nurses, and other 'important' people, so being handled by strangers seems very normal to him; and c) I'm always with him!  He has never HAD to be clingy, because he's always been assured that even when I leave him to shower or make some lunch, I'll be back very quickly.

I've been a member of the local gym for two weeks now and I'm starting to get a bit fitter.  One of the reasons I keep going back (been six times in ten days so far) is not that I'm immune to being lazy or sore, but that you have to book childcare 24 hours in advance.  They organise their staffing ratios around how many kids will be there, so if you fail to show up they charge you anyway.  It's only $1 a time, but it's MY $1 and I want to make use of it!  So I've started scheduling gym sessions for 10am fairly often, and Owen has been attending childcare every time.  Recently he's begun to cry... not when I leave him... but when I return.  It's as though he's just figured out I've left him for a period of time and he wants to let me know he's annoyed at me.  He's also started crying when I leave the room he's in at home, even if it's only for a few seconds.  I think being separated from me at the gym is started to affect him, and he's getting concerned that I'll be leaving him for longer and longer.

While I think it's rather nice to be needed (and I do enjoy the fact that a kiss and a cuddle from me can calm him instantly), this has had a rather unpleasant side-effect.  Little O has started to nap during his lunch, which means he's tube fed for a few hours while he sleeps.  Now, putting him in to his bed at nighttime is never usually an issue, because he's tired and it's dark, and I sing to him and talk to him before closing the door and going downstairs.  It's exactly the same routine, every night, and he's reassured and comforted enough to just lay his head down and send himself off to sleep.  Naptimes, however, are sporadic and stressful, and he's awake enough to think, "She's not coming back.  It's daylight and I don't want to be alone", so he's started a pattern of sleeping for ten minutes, then waking up and yelling, then being soothed back to sleep by me, then sleeping for ten minutes, then waking up and yelling, then... you get the picture.

I swear upon my bar of Cadbury's Dairy Milk lurking in J's suitcase that this is all, ALL, to do with putting him in childcare.  But the kid has to get used to me not being there at SOME point.  It might as well be for a few hours a week while I'm getting healthier not 30 feet away.  I do wish he'd start napping properly though.  It's very hard to keep his lunch inside him at the moment, because he usually yells hard enough to make himself throw up, but I can't just stop the pump running and let him go without.  I just hope the extra few mls we're adding to his overnight feed are enough to compensate for all this nonsense and he starts gaining weight again soon.

In fact, he can gain all the weight I'm losing!  That would be awesome.  Freaky, but awesome.

Tina.

Day One

I have debated and debated over whether or not to put my real weight on here for all and sundry to read and gasp at.  I have come to the conclusion that, unless I face the truth and my eating demons, I will continue to be overweight, unhealthy and a bad influence on my son as he grows up.  Therefore, here is the first of hopefully many entries about how the new lifestyle is going.

Weight: 219.4 lb 

I CANNOT believe that figure and I am absolutely horrified.  Admittedly my clothes don't fit me very well any more, and I don't do any exercise at all, but STILL.  That is completely and utterly disgusting.  I was 194 lb when I had my first weigh-in at the doctors when I initially got pregnant in September 2008, so that is my first major milestone.  Before that though, I have a few minor milestones to reach, starting with the first five pounds.  I would like to eventually be 150 lb, but I'm planning on taking this slowly and changing my eating habits for good, so that particular goal may take some time.  And that's okay.

The new eating plan is more time-consuming than I anticipated, but I'm going from heating up chilli and topping it with cheese in the microwave, so let's face it: anything else will of course be time consuming.  I like the hummus and hard-boiled eggs combo though, even if it required over an hour's preparation time.  Yum.

I also got out for a walk today with Owen today.  That was fun and put him to sleep, so double win.

I promise not to get too dull and weight-focused, but I do need to write these things down so I'm accountable for myself, my eating and my exercise habits.  If you think it's boring, move on!  This blog is a way for me to write down things for ME, so that is what I intend to do.

I'm looking forward to being healthier and having more energy for Owen.  :)

Tina.