As ABBA once said, "I have been waiting for these visitors..."
I'm going to come back to the My Pookie Bear testimony soon, but there are some other things we must discuss first.
My Mum is out visiting at the moment, with D. It was also my birthday last week (27... sigh...) and I was embarrassingly disappointed with the whole affair. Since I was little, right up until recently, I have looked forward to my next birthday right after I got done with the last one. However, for the last four years I have felt absolutely nothing. No excitement, no anticipation, no nothing. It's going to be incredibly selfish of me to say this, but ever since 2007 something has kind of stolen my thunder. In 2007 I was forced to live in the UK while we waited for immigration paperwork to be processed, but my husband had no legal right to work over there so we spent the whole year (our first year of marriage) living in two different countries. On my 24th birthday, therefore, I was sleeping on my sister's couch working as a credit-control temp for a food company, and it SUCKED. In 2008 I was happily living in WI and took a week off in the summer for my birthday and for my family's visit, but I go so excited about them coming over that I completely forgot about my birthday and felt a bit weird on the day itself. Same story in 2009, and exactly the same in 2010. I'm so lucky that my family wants to come and visit me, but I wish we could spread things out a little. I'd love for them to come over every year, but perhaps they could make it a week or two later next time? I'd really like to celebrate with just my husband and Little O, and feel special about my birthday again. I want to DO something... not feel like I have to entertain guests or watch my alcohol intake in front of my parents. Maybe next year if they're back again, they can look after Little O for a weekend and my husband and I will bugger off and get pissed at a hotel somewhere. I'm really not looking forward to asking my family about that though...
It's weird having my Mum here with D. Admittedly he's helping to diffuse potentially hazardous situations, for which I am very grateful, but it's still strange watching their relationship. For example, my Mum stopped kissing and hugging us goodnight when we were teenagers, but with D she makes sure they say a 'proper' goodnight... every night. It's sweet and not inappropriate (he's gay, remember?), but it just strikes me as odd that she'll give him a hug and peck on the cheek before bed, but then turn to me and wave goodnight as she goes up the stairs. I dunno. Maybe this is all at D's request: not her's. Maybe it makes her feel weird doing it in front of me too. It's just that I don't have a great relationship with Mum on my own, and seeing her be comfortable and motherly to someone who isn't her child is... hmm... uncomfortable.
Another thing that's making me feel uncomfortable is how my Mum is around my son. She clearly adores him and has frequently demanded to hold him or play with him, but she's never once offered to HELP with him. I know he's a lot of work and that learning how to take care of him is a bit of a minefield, but even if I turned down the offer of help I'd still appreciate the gesture! She has never once offered to feed him, change him, put him to bed, give him a bath, get him dressed, hold him while I deal with another crisis... nothing at all. As far as she's concerned, she's his Grandma and her prerogative is to enjoy cuddles and playtime. My in-laws, however, offer to do EVERYTHING. They have been the most helpful, supportive grandparents for Little O, and I feel more confident in their abilities to take care of him in an emergency than anyone else. Yes, they've seen him more often, and yes, they live considerably closer, but that's not it. They're better with Little O because they WANT to be. When we visit them they make sure we have everything we need to get comfortable, and they will happily and without complaint rearrange anything at all to fit around us. They want to administer medications, feed him via g-tube, change diapers, give him his nebulizer, bathe him. They're happy to do it because not only do they love him, but they realize how much pressure my husband and I are under and they want to help relieve it. My Mum, on the other hand, wants to be treated like a guest. So I have to run around cleaning up after her and D as well as all my usual Little O-related business. It would just be nice for her to offer to change him when he's dirty, or feed him something tasty... just once. That's all. Because that's the kind of Grandma Little O needs.
Thanksfully my Dad is coming to visit in October and he's more like my in-laws. He's happy to get stuck in there and help out as much as possible, so I'm looking forward to seeing him and trusting him to take care of his grandson. I think he's a wonderful father and a brilliant Grandad. I miss him a lot.
In other news, I got offered another copyediting project! Thank FUCK for that! I was beginning to think my publishers didn't love me anymore...
Tina.
Showing posts with label Birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birthday. Show all posts
Monday, August 16, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Bigger blog
Since Owen's birthday on May 17th, things have been a bit of a whirlwind. He has had a birthday party, some professional photos taken, surgery and a stay in hospital overnight, a change in formula, and a pretty nasty stomach bug.
It's a shame I'm not keen on sharing photos of my son on this annoymous blog, otherwise I'd load up some from his awesome birthday party. It was brilliant. Every child ought to have a first birthday just like it. Mike's family came out to visit for the occasion and I invited about twenty other friends and their small children too. We had a barbeque using our very American gas-powered outdoor grill, which fires up in about three minutes and cooks meat and veggies perfectly - as long as Mike is watching it. We also had a friend make some cheesecakes to use as birthday cakes. Owen can't manage completely solid food yet, so some creamy, delicious goodness seemed like a nice halfway point between proper sponge cake and liquid baby food. It meant we could stick a candle in it too, which for some reason was very important to me. Owen's guests were extremely generous with presents and he received some incredible clothes and toys. Every single thing was obviously thought-about too, because friends of mine know how much I can't stand gendered toys, and that Owen requires clothes that don't interfere with his tube feedings. He received very gender-neutral toys and clothes, and there was nothing I thought we'd have to put away for a bit until he's able to use it. I was also very pleased that people listened to my (polite) request that he be given toys to help his development. Not every toy aimed at one-year-olds is appropriate for my little boy, but there are items out there which will kick-start a new stage in his growth - such as an adorable walking device that babies can either sit on or push in front of them, that we have named Lionel the Lion. It roars. So does Owen.
On his actual birthday, which was a Monday, I took Little O to get some professional photos taken. Out here it is perfectly normal to get photos done ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY. I have friends who took professional shots every month for the first year of their son's life, and others who don't let a national holiday pass without marching in to a photo studio: Easter, Christmas, Valentine's Day; their daughter has a portrait for all of 'em. I, however, prefer to be a cheap-ass mother, and felt that some nice photographs to commemorate the first year in my son's extremely challenging life were more than appropriate. Owen had other plans, of course, and didn't smile for the camera for most of the session. Of the thirty-or-so shots the photographer took, only four or five were nice enough to use. I ordered some for home and family, but it's not something I plan on doing every year. But this year was special.
On the Wednesday of Birthday Week, Owen had surgery to repair his cleft palate and take off that fucking ugly ear tag he's had since he was born. He was a complete trooper during and after his operation, and my mouth fails me when I try to describe how brave and strong he is. His fourth operation in a year, and he's such a superstar. My heart just swells with pride at the strength of his character, and I tell him that every day. He has to wear these ridiculous arm restraints for two weeks so he doesn't suck on his fingers and pop open his stitches - yuk. It's incredibly hot over here at the moment (yesterday it was 82F/28C) and those restraints stink like a son of a bitch with Owen's sweat. Thankfully we have two pairs and I've been able to wash them, but they're still not nice for him to wear in the heat and I haven't been particularly diligent about him wearing them when he's fussy. At the moment he has a horrible stomach bug, and it seems cruel to deny him the comfort of sucking on his fingers or thumb when he's feeling crappy. I've been watching him to make sure he doesn't get too aggressive and potentially harm the surgical site, and so far, so good.
On Monday of this week I took him up to the GI clinic to see if we could change his formula. He's been on Neocate since he was born, which is a hypoallergenic, amino-acid based formula suitable for children who just won't tolerate anything else. After Owen passed his allergy study a couple of weeks ago, his doctors have been keen to move him on to something with higher calories and a cheaper price tag. So now he's on something called Pediasure, which is widely available and comes pre-mixed. Hallelujah! Unfortunately, the night we started weaning him on to it, he came down with a stomach bug and temperature, and hasn't been tolerating feeds of any large volumes at all. I'm just hoping it's the bug and not the formula.
I do feel guilty when Owen gets ill, because I take down the amount of food I give him. When he's ill he throws up more, regardless of whether the bug is respitory or gastrointestinal, so it seems cruel to push as much food as I can in to his stomach, only for him to bring it up violently and with great distress. So I tend to ignore our regular schedule (8am, 12pm, 5pm and overnight starting at 8.30pm) and allow him to sleep as much as he wants to. It does mean though that not only does he miss complete feeds, he doesn't even get a full feed when he does eat. It's that ever-present issue of trying to do what's best for him versus what keeps him happy: balancing his nutritional needs with his comfort. He's so unwell at the moment that he's waking up every ten minutes or so at night (don't even get me started on how exhausted I am after the last two nights), and throwing up his overnight feed, which means he's not getting that full amount either. I feel very guilty when he doesn't gain weight during an illness, but I try and remember that if he were a normal child, fed in a normal way, then he'd probably be refusing to eat anyway. This is a similar thing, I guess.
In a couple of weeks I take Owen in to discuss the results of an immunology study he had done. His doctor called me and requested I bring him in, which scares the bejesus outta me. Apparently some of his 'levels' came back too low, which is a strong indicator of an immune deficiency disorder. Those are pretty scary and something which I know next to nothing about. I just hope it's not so bad he eventually requires a bone marrow transplant, or infusions every month. The more stuff I can manage from home, the better.
Owen qualified for Medicaid! Hurrah! Too dull to explain here, but it means that a lot of our financial problems associated with his care will now be handled by the state of Wisconsin. This is fantastic news and I'm just waiting for him number to arrive in the post so I can call all his healthcare providers and tell them to stick their medical bills up their arse. I will relish every single call.
Tina.
It's a shame I'm not keen on sharing photos of my son on this annoymous blog, otherwise I'd load up some from his awesome birthday party. It was brilliant. Every child ought to have a first birthday just like it. Mike's family came out to visit for the occasion and I invited about twenty other friends and their small children too. We had a barbeque using our very American gas-powered outdoor grill, which fires up in about three minutes and cooks meat and veggies perfectly - as long as Mike is watching it. We also had a friend make some cheesecakes to use as birthday cakes. Owen can't manage completely solid food yet, so some creamy, delicious goodness seemed like a nice halfway point between proper sponge cake and liquid baby food. It meant we could stick a candle in it too, which for some reason was very important to me. Owen's guests were extremely generous with presents and he received some incredible clothes and toys. Every single thing was obviously thought-about too, because friends of mine know how much I can't stand gendered toys, and that Owen requires clothes that don't interfere with his tube feedings. He received very gender-neutral toys and clothes, and there was nothing I thought we'd have to put away for a bit until he's able to use it. I was also very pleased that people listened to my (polite) request that he be given toys to help his development. Not every toy aimed at one-year-olds is appropriate for my little boy, but there are items out there which will kick-start a new stage in his growth - such as an adorable walking device that babies can either sit on or push in front of them, that we have named Lionel the Lion. It roars. So does Owen.
On his actual birthday, which was a Monday, I took Little O to get some professional photos taken. Out here it is perfectly normal to get photos done ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY. I have friends who took professional shots every month for the first year of their son's life, and others who don't let a national holiday pass without marching in to a photo studio: Easter, Christmas, Valentine's Day; their daughter has a portrait for all of 'em. I, however, prefer to be a cheap-ass mother, and felt that some nice photographs to commemorate the first year in my son's extremely challenging life were more than appropriate. Owen had other plans, of course, and didn't smile for the camera for most of the session. Of the thirty-or-so shots the photographer took, only four or five were nice enough to use. I ordered some for home and family, but it's not something I plan on doing every year. But this year was special.
On the Wednesday of Birthday Week, Owen had surgery to repair his cleft palate and take off that fucking ugly ear tag he's had since he was born. He was a complete trooper during and after his operation, and my mouth fails me when I try to describe how brave and strong he is. His fourth operation in a year, and he's such a superstar. My heart just swells with pride at the strength of his character, and I tell him that every day. He has to wear these ridiculous arm restraints for two weeks so he doesn't suck on his fingers and pop open his stitches - yuk. It's incredibly hot over here at the moment (yesterday it was 82F/28C) and those restraints stink like a son of a bitch with Owen's sweat. Thankfully we have two pairs and I've been able to wash them, but they're still not nice for him to wear in the heat and I haven't been particularly diligent about him wearing them when he's fussy. At the moment he has a horrible stomach bug, and it seems cruel to deny him the comfort of sucking on his fingers or thumb when he's feeling crappy. I've been watching him to make sure he doesn't get too aggressive and potentially harm the surgical site, and so far, so good.
On Monday of this week I took him up to the GI clinic to see if we could change his formula. He's been on Neocate since he was born, which is a hypoallergenic, amino-acid based formula suitable for children who just won't tolerate anything else. After Owen passed his allergy study a couple of weeks ago, his doctors have been keen to move him on to something with higher calories and a cheaper price tag. So now he's on something called Pediasure, which is widely available and comes pre-mixed. Hallelujah! Unfortunately, the night we started weaning him on to it, he came down with a stomach bug and temperature, and hasn't been tolerating feeds of any large volumes at all. I'm just hoping it's the bug and not the formula.
I do feel guilty when Owen gets ill, because I take down the amount of food I give him. When he's ill he throws up more, regardless of whether the bug is respitory or gastrointestinal, so it seems cruel to push as much food as I can in to his stomach, only for him to bring it up violently and with great distress. So I tend to ignore our regular schedule (8am, 12pm, 5pm and overnight starting at 8.30pm) and allow him to sleep as much as he wants to. It does mean though that not only does he miss complete feeds, he doesn't even get a full feed when he does eat. It's that ever-present issue of trying to do what's best for him versus what keeps him happy: balancing his nutritional needs with his comfort. He's so unwell at the moment that he's waking up every ten minutes or so at night (don't even get me started on how exhausted I am after the last two nights), and throwing up his overnight feed, which means he's not getting that full amount either. I feel very guilty when he doesn't gain weight during an illness, but I try and remember that if he were a normal child, fed in a normal way, then he'd probably be refusing to eat anyway. This is a similar thing, I guess.
In a couple of weeks I take Owen in to discuss the results of an immunology study he had done. His doctor called me and requested I bring him in, which scares the bejesus outta me. Apparently some of his 'levels' came back too low, which is a strong indicator of an immune deficiency disorder. Those are pretty scary and something which I know next to nothing about. I just hope it's not so bad he eventually requires a bone marrow transplant, or infusions every month. The more stuff I can manage from home, the better.
Owen qualified for Medicaid! Hurrah! Too dull to explain here, but it means that a lot of our financial problems associated with his care will now be handled by the state of Wisconsin. This is fantastic news and I'm just waiting for him number to arrive in the post so I can call all his healthcare providers and tell them to stick their medical bills up their arse. I will relish every single call.
Tina.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Owen is one!
Just a quickie: Owen turned one today!
Really, really happy and I'll update more later this week. He has surgery and some other stuff, so there will be plenty to write about...
Tina.
Really, really happy and I'll update more later this week. He has surgery and some other stuff, so there will be plenty to write about...
Tina.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Twenty things to be thankful for
1. Owen is alive.
2. Spring has finally arrived and I don't have to wear umpteen layers to leave the house anymore.
3. Now the weather's warmer I am able to take Owen out for walks again.
4. Our kitchen is nearly finished.
5. There are many, many people out there in the world who love me and my son, and think about us every single day.
6. One of those people is my mother-in-law, who sent us about one hundred home-baked cookies the other day, just because she thought we'd like them.
7. Owen has begun some pre-crawling movements, which gives me hope.
8. I am able to make a small living doing something I absolutely love, while staying at home with my son.
9. I am starting my new diet on Monday and the food sounds both delicious and cheaper than our normal processed stuff.
10. Owen's surgery is on Friday... finally.
11. I have several fantastic friends who have already booked themselves in to come to Owen's first birthday party in May, as well as Mike's entire family.
12. One of these fantastic friends is accompanying me to Owen's surgery so I don't go to pieces.
13. Two other fantastic friends are preparing some dishes for me and Mike so we don't have to cook when Owen comes home from the hospital.
14. I am learning something new everyday, and putting most of it to good use.
15. Owen will qualify for Katie Beckett Medicaid, which will eliminate most, if not all, of our remaining medical expenses for him this year.
16. A remarkable family donated nine cans of Owen's expensive formula to us, which is about half a month's supply.
17. I have some new music to jive along to.
18. I have a wonderful, supportive husband who works incredibly hard.
19. My PPD now only rears its ugly head every so often, and I know what it is now so I'm better at dealing with it.
20. My son is both beautiful and hilarious and I love him more than he'll ever fully realise.
2. Spring has finally arrived and I don't have to wear umpteen layers to leave the house anymore.
3. Now the weather's warmer I am able to take Owen out for walks again.
4. Our kitchen is nearly finished.
5. There are many, many people out there in the world who love me and my son, and think about us every single day.
6. One of those people is my mother-in-law, who sent us about one hundred home-baked cookies the other day, just because she thought we'd like them.
7. Owen has begun some pre-crawling movements, which gives me hope.
8. I am able to make a small living doing something I absolutely love, while staying at home with my son.
9. I am starting my new diet on Monday and the food sounds both delicious and cheaper than our normal processed stuff.
10. Owen's surgery is on Friday... finally.
11. I have several fantastic friends who have already booked themselves in to come to Owen's first birthday party in May, as well as Mike's entire family.
12. One of these fantastic friends is accompanying me to Owen's surgery so I don't go to pieces.
13. Two other fantastic friends are preparing some dishes for me and Mike so we don't have to cook when Owen comes home from the hospital.
14. I am learning something new everyday, and putting most of it to good use.
15. Owen will qualify for Katie Beckett Medicaid, which will eliminate most, if not all, of our remaining medical expenses for him this year.
16. A remarkable family donated nine cans of Owen's expensive formula to us, which is about half a month's supply.
17. I have some new music to jive along to.
18. I have a wonderful, supportive husband who works incredibly hard.
19. My PPD now only rears its ugly head every so often, and I know what it is now so I'm better at dealing with it.
20. My son is both beautiful and hilarious and I love him more than he'll ever fully realise.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Happy Half-Birthday, Owen!
Owen is SIX MONTHS OLD today! So far to celebrate, he has cried a lot, vomited a lot, needed changing three times (it's 8am right now) and finally fallen asleep for his morning nap. Later on I'm taking him for his six-month vaccinations at the doctor and possibly the H1N1 shot, too.
What a crappy way to celebrate your first half-birthday! I think I'm going to buy him a little treat after our visit to the doctor to make up for it. Or just half a treat.
Tina.
What a crappy way to celebrate your first half-birthday! I think I'm going to buy him a little treat after our visit to the doctor to make up for it. Or just half a treat.
Tina.
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